The Origins of Apparently Unexpected

Getting upset at someone can really show you a side to yourself you hadn't seen before.

In my case, I found out that evidently when I'm mad, I turn into a 30-something year old black lady.

Let me explain: no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

I work at a very nice office with my mother and sister, and my co-workers are all women, whom I love to death. (Not literally to death, that would be problematic.) A good third of the ladies I work with are African American, and I'm around them so often that I have started to pick up their mannerisms without knowing it. 

They didn't know it either, if the startled look on the one lady's face is anything to go by.

Let me just remind you for a minute who I am, so that the weirdness of this moment will make more sense:

I'm a skinny little white girl who looks like she belongs in the 1940s with Agatha Christie.

So what had happened was this:

A discussion came up between my mother (who works at the same office) and another lady about someone who was coming in who 1. didn't need to be coming to the office in the first place, 2. Was a Creeper.

Yes, a Creeper. He would evidently hit on every. lady. there.

Thankfully, I was never there when he wandered in.

Not-so-thankfully, I found out that not only did the guy hit on every woman there, he made up creepy nicknames for them all.

Back up, whoa. No.

1. You do not go creepin' around my workplace.

2. You do not creep on my Mama and sister, as you hope to live! 

And suddenly I was somebody completely different.

I don't really know what happened. I just know that suddenly I had my hands on my hips and my head cocked to the side and I was snarling, "Oh no he di'n't!" 

(Yes. I really said that. Oh wait, it gets stranger.)

My mom and co-worker turn around in their chairs to look at me in surprise, but by that point I was so upset by the idea of a creeper coming in where my family members were that I kept going.

I crossed my arms and glared and said (in the same Southern accent as my co-workers, go figure), "Oh he better not try anything while I'm here, or I'mma pop 'im in the throat!"

Dead silence.

Suddenly I realize what I just said and how it sounded and I burst out laughing at myself. My co-worker stared for a few more seconds and said, "I did not expect that to come out of her mouth."

So...yeah! That's one of the reasons I call my blog "Apparently Unexpected".