I love kids. Everyone who's met me can probably testify to that.
I can't even count the amount of times I've interacted with an adorable child somewhere and turned to my friends to say, "I want one!"
Yesterday, I was pushing a swing for a very little girl, and chanting nonsense rhymes about her shoes and how many toes she had (to her great amusement) and I began wondering what it would be like to tie the shoelaces of my own child, to push a teeny tiny me on the swings and tuck a baby of my own into bed at night. It's not the first time I've had thoughts like this, nor will it be the last. Ever since I was old enough to know what a baby was, I've wanted to be a mom. But the older I get, the more I wonder whether or not I will be a mom.
No no, don't mistake me, I'm not being pessimist or depressed!
You see, if I were going to have a child, I would be married. That would be awesome, to be married, but at this point in my life, I am just as content with being single. (It took me a loooooong time to get to that point though, let me tell you!) Maybe God has someone reserved for me/ me reserved for someone, and maybe He doesn't. I tend to think that at this stage I'm a little too young to definitely say its either. (I mean, goodness gracious, I could say: "I'm gonna be single forevers, y'all!" and then meet my future husband ten years later. Who knows!) But the thing is, I'm okay with it either way. But then I see children, and I want so much to take care of them and protect them and teach them about Jesus.
It's funny, in a way...
Despite not being a mom, I have had plenty of practice. I know the fun parts, like when the baby takes her first step and its towards you, and the not so fun parts, like when the toddler throws his very first temper tantrum because you've decided that two hours of Spongebob Squarepants is too much for anyone.
Things I have learned from and about kids:
1. The screeching tantrum-thrower isn't going to die if I keep washing the dishes instead of catering to their whim. My ears might bleed a little by the end, but the kid needs to know where the boundaries are.
2. There comes a moment when the baby will not sleep at night, and she is colicky and teething and very indignant indeed. When that moment comes, I have found myself singing every song I know and some I don't. Hey, if singing "Moon River" works instead of "Rock-a-bye Baby", I say go for it.
3. Quiet is nice unless the children are toddlers. Then silence is very, very worrying. Especially if it is suddenly broken by the words, "Oooh, sticky!"
4. Sometimes, I need to be around a preschooler to learn to use my imagination again. Like when one little guy decided that by putting his movie chair on top of the couch, he'd made a spaceship and his little brother was an alien.
5. Never underestimate how much children understand. I've had a four year old girl look up at me with shining eyes and announce, "Hey Miss Erin, I'm not gonna die when I die, cuz Jesus forgived me and is livin' in my heart!" (Note to self: make sure future child knows that this does not mean that they no longer have blood pumped through heart, as this little one thought). I've had a seven year old in a Sunday School class who (normally a rambunctious little fellow) was very nearly in tears because a boy in his elementary school did not believe in Jesus. I've seen children whose entire personalities changed at a very young age because they asked Jesus into their hearts.
6. Sometimes, I've felt like I had extra arms. For instance, the times when I've had to hold a baby on one hip, make a bottle with one hand, and answer a phone all at once. Those are the times when it was really helpful to have my twin sister there: then I really did have a second set of arms!
7. When a little girl wants you to play Tea Party with R2D2 and the Abominable Snowman, you play Tea Party with R2D2 and the Abominable Snowman.
8. What you allow is what will continue. (Classroom management, Babysitting, it can work for both).
9. Sometimes the baby doesn't stop crying. Sometimes the kids get all their clothes dirty, and the house is a mess, and the work piles up. Sometimes the little one is rude and disobedient and it's so hard. And then sometimes the baby doesn't stop smiling, and the kids come and hug you for no good reason, and you catch the kindergartner cleaning his room of his own accord. Sometimes you just have to stand back and laugh at the absurd antics that happen in the playroom.
10. Picking baby outfits is really fun. Except maybe when there's nothing left in the closet but their church clothes because they managed to get stuff on all their other clothes.
So, is it weird that sometimes I think of all this and apply it to if I ever have a child of my own?
Even though I'm a long way from motherhood, I find myself dreaming about little names and tiny outfits and what kind of things I would do as a mom. (Such as have kids listening to Ella Fitzgerald before they could walk, and dressing them retro.) I know that if I get married, I would want to adopt a child, because that's something that's been on my mind and heart for probably eleven years straight.
Is it weird that there's a name that's been floating around in my head for a long time? I don't know if the owner of that name will ever actually be my baby specifically though. Maybe she'll be a student of mine, or a niece, or the daughter of a friend.
But then again, maybe she will be my baby. Who knows?
It's way too soon for me to plan things like that, I know, but sometimes, I can't help but dream.
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